If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
