Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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