Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
