Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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