Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
