12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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