is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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