i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
