remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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