I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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