I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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