Porn is love you can see.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
