Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize