My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just had sex bonerless
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
