your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
