one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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