you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize