I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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