Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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