I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
