I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
