I am puke
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
