maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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