he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
