Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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