My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
