The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
