I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
