My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
