My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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