Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
