listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
