I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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