after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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