my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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