I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
