My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
