I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The uberlube is also flammable
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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