and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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