You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize