Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
