After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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