Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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