Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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