Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
