Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
