Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
home. puking in laundry basket.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
