that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
