guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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