You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
