Where is the hickey?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
