even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
