I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize