just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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