I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
