i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
