i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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