JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
