he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
