Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
