Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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