a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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