the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
