He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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