This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
