I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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