Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
