Please, let me fuck your mom
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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