I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
