Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
