Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
