There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
