Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
