Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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