That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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