Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
