i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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