Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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