Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
