what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
