So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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