I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
