I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
