My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
