what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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