I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
