i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
