Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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