In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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