I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
