I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
