I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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