Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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