Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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