Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
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