I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
