Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
