I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
