i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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