We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
