I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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