how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
