You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
