well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
