If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize