so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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