My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
