It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
